i went to darren's bball match on fri... seriously, i can feel the feelings that he had... its like, begining of the show, the morale, team play wasnt that good.. but as the game advances, as the time ticks away, even without the captain, no game plan, jj managed to end the game nicely... they dint win in numbers... they win things that are much more precious to a team thn another other things that may ever matter, the hearts of their teammates... it can be seen so clearly on their face, the joy, the eenjoyment i would say... it says it all... dudes. that game it may not be a good end product... but its a good experience that many sportsman wuld not have enjoyed when thy focused so much on the end product - winning...

sun was out to cut my hair, had a small family outing... without my dad..
lol. goodd.. nobody was there to fight with mi for food.. lol.. haha!!! that nite b4, sat nite i meant.. chat with xuan and sat till damn late.. kinda happy... kinda long since i last smsed chat with some1... lol... it used to be.... but nvm.. im over that blues.. its reali v long... the days of real sch days.. but nvm...im still v glad for those who still didnt forget hu i was, hu still smsed mi in the middle of the night to show the care thy had, like kind twin!! thx lo!!

cca drive today.. i asked sat, what cca is nice to join.. he recommended soccer, tennis and dragonboat... i cant believed that a punk can do soccer and dragonboat at a same tym... loll... subway had loads of craps again.. lol... thurs i dun think i gonna work.. im not gonna care le... mushroom's overnite!!! yay!!!

=)



whn the machines becomes automatic, thats when the best are reached.. u dun have to react anymore.. it becomes a reflex...

Labels: i still love u as much as i love anione else =)

to whom i held dearest to :

hey,
i reali duno wats reali going on in ur life dudes.. JJ, polys, we are jux in different lives huh? it will take mi time, effort, energy to ask u one by one how are u guys gona be... i noe its abit lame that im doing this on my blog, but if u happen to drop by to take a look, then thats something good...

Care is the only ingredient of friendship that will withstand time, distance...

its not that i dun care, im not asking about wats going on = i dun care... im still updating in some ways like jj having sports day soon... simple things that are still going on, thinks that i will put effort in noeing wats happening in the lives that i had once been...

dudes... do mi a favor... if u have any problems, pick up dat damn fon, give mi a call... at least an sms if anithing goes wrong... im damn sad if u call and say, ' viv, u are the last desperate call i make' 'lum, i duno how to say' i m reali damn sad...

frens arent burden.... u calling mi is no longer a burden animore... more than i realise, somehow, i can only absorb energy that way to make mi stronger...

inspirations are lost, but new areas, new understandings are found.. sometimes, we reali have to get out of that fuggin life to return to our mundane stuffs.. thy suddenly feel so secured in it... i noe we are all tired... tired of venturing, studies, the stupid peers that are mugging, frens probs, health wise, pls.... no matter how tired u are, rest well.. u noe wat happen whn ur body fall.. i dun wan any one down ...

wateva gona happen...

jux noe..
the future is bright...
it jux that the lights are being blocked...

whn u are tired.. try looking at the evening sky....
it shows that no matter wat...
we noe that the setting sun is gona rise tml....

leave ur worries at the extent where it shld hlps, not worsen ur life....
our life is pathetic enough to only have that limited lifespan... dun over tire urself... jux enjoy wateva emotions u have... for that, joy will follow next....

love, regards,

viv- chai yin

Labels: im still caring.. i cared i will still care...

this gona be abit lame...

sometyms, u look across the streets.... wat u see are vehicles zooming by u, with all tose passer-bys, waiting to cross the streets jux opposite u via the traffic lights....

i duno how u felt about dieing..
a)another cycle?
b) it wun happen to mi?
c)nahs... im gona lived till this age? im gona live till my hair turns white!
d)i duno wats going on?
e) its jux if that day comes, then let it comes!!!
f) im jux another living being on earth... maybe nobody even cares..

im now at (e).. i reali duno..

darren used to say that, its when the old and dieing becomes old and dieing, thn every thing that seemed so simple, like having a listening ear, it jux makes them smiles.. thats y he felt its much more meaningful to give the old and dieing to have that spark of re-live-ness...

i wanted so much to focus on the youngster, those hu have not seen enough.. those that are learning the sparks of living... not reliving.. sometyms, jux going online to take a look at the things that others countries kids are doing, jux drop a tear from ur eyes... its like, y cant i be there, to help them, see that the earth is much more bigger, greater thn they see from their basic knowledge....

dude... its thanks to u that keep that fire in me burning.. its that source of knowing that im not alone keep me accompanied... its that understanding that trust u had with me, brought me along u.... it may seemed as if everything turned upside down, but iu figured how to fixed everything right.....
im here to say my thanks... if this rainbow is gonna be enduring that scornful rain and scorching sun... u better endured much longer than i do....

wateva it is....

even to the point of i cant be there, bring along thatpromise of letting the ashes follow u wherever ya?

the thought of noeing wats gona happen sux.. but it lets u have tym to know that u can or u gonna make up things that will make u regretful... wateva it is, we are much better off in a better society... wateva it is, tresure wat u have, wat u nid.. wat frens u have... tings and tym pass like nobody buisness..

dun ever regret..

Labels: the pick from the fall

when hope seemed far,
when love is unreachable.

when faith seemed hard,
when understanding is unbreachable.

when the fire if destruction engulfs,
when everything else fails.

belief will turn things around.

the unspoken route to the unbreakable self.

thats when light of love reignite


random.. jux being real random.... weird... emo-ness can reali get u emo-less.... as in emotions gets lesser.... u jux keep going low low low low low... ='

Labels: things jux get stagnant

u noe...

sometimes things jux got so bored u tend to slp ur day off..

i didnt today actually..
lol... except for the late for class thing with kede and wee shung.. lol.. went to library, study with rose.. thn went out to tiong to have dinner with the others...

played infront of the uob bank la... wat the hell.. day is fun....

but yet... tiring..

ruijun, thanz for ur taz drawing.. its reali thoughtful of u..

siong peng and cass, happy belated.... i think ur presents, i will pass to u al next tym soon.. im reali sorry.. =(

omg...

can jux some nice guy drop by to say something good? i think my boy craze is gonna die out soon.. its no more boy crazy.. are my hormones neglecting me? lol.... no more boy craze.. is it good or bad? mayb single is good!! lol.. no more mr right huh? i WANT A MR RIGHT!!! NOT MR NICE..

waiting for that day when my desperation wears off... lol...

Labels: dudes thx..

tml last day of the 1st week of school.... gonna meet mushrooms without zoe there... paiseh..

feelings seemed so much weirder...

its not like entering jj.... its like going into real studying... kinda hard working leh my class... think i have to push myself... happy that im in 04 not 03.. that class seemed much rowdy.. omg lo.. lol..

low profile currently... im still find with it.. im seriously alrite... i tink i have enough attention before... energy seemed to reali reali ran out.. lol. so tired easily.. struggling with work, and studies.. life jux kinda back to hu i was....

poly, a new chapter, new life... ya... new frens... im not as brave as before le... stepping out of my comfort zone seemed so much tougher thn before.. i reali miss the days whereby i was the loud 1.. but i dun wan animore attentions alr... im sick of it.... the 'leader that nobody reali cares' no.. i dun wan le.. simple as i can be... thats wat i wan.. no more arguments..
i wan a peaceful life... not like i dunlike adventurous ones, but i c no point now... ya.. wat for waste energy rite? lol... haix...

things are jux coming one after another.... feel like running away.. im serious... maybe jux a while more, viv, jux a while more... a while more... things will be beta... afta the escape.... jux hang on....
dreams are still v vivid.. the things i wan to do... the things that i have passion for.. this is jux the resting period... lie low so that u can pounce higher, sore higher than any others. im jux asking for freedom that i didnt reali had... its the only choice i think...

when all i need is ur smile, the memories that were so vague.. im looking away.. im not holding on... i think ur presence is no longer there.. im hoping for results that shldnt be there... perhaps fate starts and ends... on the different part of the world, i reali hope, the world is round so that we may have the chance of seeing each other again... im hoping to see the 1st person who changed my life.. i reali hope to c u again.. the comfortable feeling that u had secured me with...

Labels: things jux get stagnant

ok....

as a matter of fact, im actually adapting well to school... is it cux i missed sch too much? i think so... but im kinda sick now... sian... actualli recovering... sore throat over the weekends... flu on mon... damn sian... now phelgm in the throat... work on evenings in subway from sun till ytd... wah.. can die lo.. ytd lesson finish at 5 thn subway at 5 oso.. skipped dinner ... lol...

but sch was fun la.... at least made some frens? lol... wanted to be low profile... i think i kinda hit my target huh? lol. junxian from queensway, reali like the junxian i noe la!! lol... thn wee shung from gess... he look like cheehoe... reali.. lol... maybe it was jux my illusion. lol...

was complaining like duno wat to bing chia these days... i reali cant take it la!!! subway, family.... mum keep nagging.... wat is i so old, sis getting older oso wat.. thn she still wans me to babysit my sis.... im not gona hlp alr lo!!! i reali had enough!!! wat is i forever have to put them in first priorty? its not like the youngest 1 will wana give a damn of wat i asked her to do ... thn wat for lo?!!! if thy are co operative im alrite la... but its more tiring thn working outside lo!! wth.. i noe its tiring la.... but we grow up liao rite.. its not like i petty or wat.. but i jux cunt take it animore!!!! arhs....

moving out of myself... going to a new shell..

Labels: dude, its jux tiring..

viv
is
not
the
normal
her,

not
the
old
her
now
....

if
u
happened
to
miss
of
ur
old
mate,

sad
to
say
that
she
is
no
longer
there
....

if
u
ever
want
to
help,

please
have
a
good
heart....

she
may
dissapoint
u,

like
how
she
feels
now...

if
possible,

try
not
to
give
up....

its
jux
she
cant
escape
from
the
current
phase
of
life...

haha....

HAPPY 18th to VIVIAN!!!!

lol...

birthday was on 10th april....
was so sian la.... at 1st.. tote the others wunt be celebrating with mi....

thn i sad sad =( birthday go do flag day.. a bit stupid la!!! arhs... lol.....
thn i wanted to collect pay.. since every1 is so busy, tote of spending that day myself... till darren smsed me to eat dinner together.... thn i was like, finally, maybe i still can go out and have some fun.. he busted mi in the end..

so i asked rachel to pei mi to collect pay....

omg la.... she lied to mi.. she said that she will ask her dad to fetch us over to anchorpoint, so i was like going down the stairs whn she asked me to leave home....

"happy birthday to u........
happy birthday to u.....
...
...
... "

wth la!!! was expecting rachel only thn in front of mi was, rose, yantong, zoe and terry together with rachel... wearing duno some stupid happy birthday cap... so funi so cute....

went subway afta that... wanted to get our pay... thn in the end, shyful not there.. thn cant collect pay... =(

damn....

i jux wana get back to my simple life.....

GEt off my back!

wateva thats inside mi, get out of me!!!

im jux not mi, i meant, wich me is the real me???!!!!!

wth!!!!

wah!! haha

kinda fun, going t3 with safwan.. thou he damn late la!!!! lol.. meet at 5, come at 620... heng got mr ng pei mi!! hehe.. i oso pei him eat sakae la!! haha thanks mr ng!!! thou 2nd tym at t3.but its still fun and fasinated la... i wanted to eat earl's swensens... but it was like killing la!!! have to queue so so long!!! thn we jux wander ard t3 and looked out of its viewing mall!!! i swear, i cant c a damn thing like the 1st visit!! haha

but i liked t3 design!!! so classy... so glasssy!!! haha walked ard.. thn we tot of going t2 swensens... jux as much ppl!! haha so we went up to c da t2 viewing mall!! haha cant c as much as t1, but still can c la!!! haha....

thn went to eat breek's cafe... cux its muslim!! haha i eat till full la!! haha... waffle fries, salad, dory fish, monkey business!! haha so funi.. drink's name is monkey business!!! lol.. stupid safwan still say he predicted mi to call that for drink,.. =( lol.. he went to order duno wat peppermint mocha. haha too much peppermint i think!! haha! his 1st mouth was like.... ... hahaa!!

went home afta that... lol... tired sia... im getting old... lol.. but its kinda fun!!! haha

yeah! =)

Labels: t3 =)

3rd apr thurs.....

went to RenCi Hougang there to celebrate my uncle's bdae.... heard from my mum, its his 1st bdae party done by their mum afta living 39 years.... he was happy, thou its like damn simple, cake, with a candle on it... with some social workers ard to sing him the birthday song..

nth much.. thats simple... but he jux felt so proud... he was in good spirits that day... looked much beta since the 1st visit before.... but its jux kinda sad huh? policeman thn due to some tumour ard his nose area.. that cuxx him much operations.. in the end, ended up at renci welfare home...
=(

4th apr Friday!

went out with mushroooms...

to ECP!!! haha we cycled all the way to changi!!! yantong brought terry along.;. lol... rose and mi actualli wanted to lay down on the floor and hear the airplanes that will fly above us... but everyone was tired so we decided to turn back huh? haha

the changi beach connector reali is jux outside the airport leh!! haha... the planes is reali fly above u!!! haha....

the park connector is jux great!! its like the water is so sooooo CCCCLLLLEEEEAAARRR!!!! haha clear!!!! lol... so mani plants type la.. there is this purple catails... damn nice..!! omg!!! haha
nature walk lo!!! class chalet shld be back at tanah merah man!! thn we will c all these nice things agn..
have one of the nite jux outside the airport.. and look at the stars and the airplanes!!! haha!

thn went to meet my family to eat dinner!! YEYE bdae dinner!!! YEAH!! haha like so fun, ate alot!!! haha... thn yew shu shu was like saying nxt tym ask him along..
thn we cycle there altogether... damn LAME!! haha... ok....

damn tired now la!!!

i wrote the 1st one not long ago.... that day was late, so i didnt get to write others out... i dun even noe if thy read the previous post... its jux too hard to accept wats reali had happened, wats happening, wats gona happened next.. things jx get weirder and weirder....

courage jux hit today.. so im trying my hard, to open up my eyes, to show how much i loved u guys.... wateva it is.... wateva happens, im jux there, im jux swaying... jux let mi wander, i will always return.. u may have to go the extra mile to make mi work harder... but i believed, it will meant that ur effort will never be wasted.. i noe i can be stronger.. if u teach mi how.... its gonna be a one way traffic soon.. i duno how much time i may provide for u all.. i duno how things are gonna be like.. so....

no regrets, no offence.... im jux trying to save things that are precious to mi.. heartfelt stuffs...

Mushroom gang:
Rosemary, Zoe, Rachel, Yan Tong, things jux get better with u peeps, no mushrooms i meant haha... being surrounded by u all i think its kinda a blessing yup yup!! thankx man!
zoe jux now got mention about class gathering, class outing.. its not like i totalli dun wan to be involve in it.. but zoe i think u ne la huh? haha.. u read my previous post le.. u shld noe its jux pains that no matter wat u do, ppl jux criticise cux it became a habit of theirs to do that to mi... maybe if its u.. i dun think thy will like cross the borders bahs? ya...
aniway, its jux seemed that things get happier, simpler bahs? jux in this comfort zone of u all...
Rachel, its not that i liked to suan u.. its jux tat somehow, it allowed mi to regained some self confidence that i had kinda lost la huh? haha but its oso to train u to be faster la.. lol... gotta get some self defence k? its gonna be tough, with ur classmates, have to click with thm even thou it jux dint seemed rite... wateva it is, jux be urself, only stronger
yantong, thanks for searching the song for mi.. joking la..lol.. thankx for enduring the nonsenstical stuffs that i had always been doing la haha...i noe i had been abit too lame.. but wateva it is, u beta stay happpy!

Rui Jun, i noe things are getting tougher, alot tougher than u think, u can manage like u had did before.... roads gonna be more winder and somedays there will be times where u jux culdnt find urself... i duno if im there whn u nida some1 there to hlp... u had hlped mi loads of the time... vice versa.. maybe, its tytm for independence le bahs? its kinda hard for u in future if im gonna hlp u always... i cna still give advice if u nid.. but dun heed all ok? its jux getting hard for mi to reali anaylse at ur level now.... im sinking at a rate i m still duno where am i and its jux so unstable for mi to reali adapt to the way or rate that im doing now.... wateva its is, try, dun regret anithing.... uur feelings are never wrong.. dun think... irrational things can only happen if u are carried by ur heartfelt feelings, not ur brainjuice thats squeezed ok?

Alex, for goodness sick, uu are never forgotten... ok, this is a sincere THANKS!!! its thanks to u tat i can be hu i reali am today... it was u hu opened up the road for mi... maybe u dun understand, but i jux wana say thank you.. i duno whn im gona c u again.. can we go out sooon? im reali missing u... s4 camp reali changed mi alot.. obs too.. if u didnt force mi to go, i dun think i can have much achievements that i have now huh? is jux that all these led mi to hu i am... maybe uu dint think that way... but im reali grateful that im being exposed to all these.... its kinda fun, reali fun... i dint regret, although its a hard path, with all tose sucky experiences rite?
mux be.. but i reali missed the olden golden days.... can history repeat?

Gwen, rawr!! haha.. things get happier i duno why with u ard huh.? brace up gal, studies shldnt be a prob for u i think.. haha thanks for all the concern.. its like we werent that close before.. its like i leave jj le thn we get closer cux of all the camps huh? thnks gal... its happy enough to hear that once in a while im not forgotten.... its like wa, touched leh!! haha its kinda like i erm, things gets beta whn u starts swearing and cursing.. haha stay pretty pretty gal!!

JingUo, its funi to noe u.. we both have weird backgounds and history huh? its like dun reali noe each other v well, but for the camps, for ppl ard us, we jux click huh? the concerns, thx... like gwen, thanks for being there whn i nided some1... yup... its gonna be like naggy but im still gonna say, wateva, no s****** k?! its no good... stress relief... but in long run u will c that it harms more than it hlps... wateva happen, stay postitive.. i liked the way u laughed... ur laugher does wonders u noe?! things gets tougher, jux toughen up and beat wateva thats in the way out ya>?

SAtRia, hey, thou i dun reali noe u, but thanks, the feeling is fun with u ard... been long since some1 treated mi the way u do.... i dun think there's some1 that treat mi this way.... but some1 closed to this feeling.. its been a month, thanks man.... working in subway with u makes mi feel beta.. its like i had kinda lost touch with the frens that had supported mi whn i had to distance myslf from jj... u gave that hope back to mi... like the olympic fire that burns the torch huh? thx loads... to be honest i was kinda afraid of u at least, maybe cux im in a total weird place with no chinese... u noe i nv reali interact with malays before rite? yup.. thankx for all the patience... curiousit kills the cat.. but u saved my feelings.. thnks!!

im gonna stop here.. still got many i wanted to thanks, but, jux believe in mi k?
sch gona open soon... its back to sch life.. in order to push myself, there are times, im not there for u... its gonna be tough for mi to get thru all the oordeals.. but im goonna try hard... but whenever u nid mi, jux drop mi a msg..

be hu u wana be
be wat u wanted to have
uu are hu u are
its not like ani other thing that changes...
u change to become beta, stronger...
like we change is the only constant thing ard..

wth... its like losing urself.. is it worth it?

Labels: the understanding ones, will read and noe that im always there...

If the heart is always searching, it always will..
Can you ever find a home? it seemed so empty
I've been looking for that someone, its all loneliness
I can't make it on my own. tired, sick of trying
Dreams can't take the place of loving you, hlping mi thru all the endless nites
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true. none of it are lies

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting, understanding doesnt help
To become a better man? to know that u r always there
Gonna tell you that I love you, u shld noe wat reali meant in the heart
In the best way that I can. i noe that no matter wat
I can't take a day without you here, it hurts when u leave
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear. u are the hope that kept mi going

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

Every day, moments filled the emptiness
I start to realize, i managed to understand
I can reach my tomorrow, how much u reali cared
I can hold my head high, how much u had wanted for mi to stand
And it's all because you're by my side. thanks for being there whnever i nid u

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes

it jux happen that this song got into my head somehow.... thn asked sat to transfer the song to mi... its kinda meaningful...
tese days it jux seemed to mi that everything mite be beta if there are more trust and understanding... maybe maybe, it seemed like all is so wrong that i shld drop and say....

stand up soon?