i think i reali had enough...

if u have a good impression of mi, dun read on..
if u hated mi, dun read on....

its for the kind-hearted hu reali cared... if not pls navigate away.. the last ting i nid is scarcasm..


im crying like any fucked up gal... shit... wat is this? wat is i wana scream but i cant... this is the 1st tym after i recovered from the last emo period... its shit.... y are things so unfair? wat is im a person of family as priority? y mux i be a big egoist!!!! i reali sick of myself being a clown.. wat is cux i noe ppl will take mi as some1 strong.. so no matter wat.. i try to console myself that there are ppl out there that may be even worst than mi.. but i guess.. all of us.. as humans we have our limits.. wat is im pinning on the hopes that others pin on mi so that i can feel that there is still hope n then i starts to move on? and everytime i did that, iwill realise that all these are jux lies that i lied to myself to make myself feel beta? viv, stop it la!! wat is lie to myself... u may think that viv is such a whiner, irritator, wateva negative u may think of.. but man.. if u put urself inside mi,.. i think u mite go crazy somehow with all those stupid stuff and fucked shit u have in my life.. if there is ani1 hu wich too hlp.. its either a test to how good ur endurance is in hlping mi, if not... get out.. all u noe is getting to noe the uglier side of mi and the things that u wun wana noe wat reali happen to mi.... im jux another idoit hu doesnt not have much future of wat she wana be herself.. this tym.. it may take jux awhile for mi to be aite.. i realise that i can recover much faster thn before.. but the wounds are getting deeper.. there is no way the wounds are gonna recover. this feeling jux sux.... maybe thats like erm, things are... the more u give in, pl take.. cux thats the balance.. there is this wish for the year.. to relax.. sit back.. shut myself.. shut myself up from all these hurtful things..thats whn i become v v selfish... i become full of myself.. i hate this new mi.. is there ani way i can be the viv i was? no!! shut up.. i cant go back! y? cux things were all so fulled of hope b4 i had all these unwanted feelings.. im feeling damn lonely, alone in this fucking world.. the feeling sux.... frens are wat i have now.. im loyal to thm.. and i noe thy are loyal to mi too... but i jux noe that things are reali getting out of hands.. out of my hands, out of their hands.. i dun wan to turn into their burden... i nided a hug as much as i noe thy nided my hug.. but i jux cunt bring myself to ask thm that i nid.. i noe that i appeared to be a cheeky one.. but hu ever noes y i always try to bring myself to be loud? thats to prevent others from seeing hu i reali am.. im tired... freaking tired... i dun wan to be ani clown no more.. im sick of showing others that im alrite whn i noe im not.. im sick of being alrite whn i not.. im sick of pretending to be the mi that u all had known before whn i noe im no longer that cheerful mi.. but for the sake of everyone i will move on... but like i said... ppl have their limits.. lets jux hope mi time isnt up yet... its getting worst.. i can feel it... hands, head.. i dun wan to get anything out of any doctors.. it will jux lighten.. not cure.. thn wat for rite? i always believed that im being destinied for greater things.. and before i had fulfilled tose big dreams nv am i gona give in to destiny.. i wun fight for any longer time. i will jux fight for hu i reali wana be... if there's one day, whereby its jux the end, i noe some1 will be there to take mi ard with him... it may jux be an empty promise by him or he reali meant it.. but that hope of mi being with him, doing all sort of meaningful things makes mi feel that however short life is.. i had a real soulmate, hu went thru thick and thin tgt... thx dude.. i duno if u r reading this... its jux i reali wana thnk u for all the effort u put into mi... u gave mi hope, like u said that i gave u urs too.. i reali wana be the rainbow after ur rain that had poured, but i duno how much longer can i be that strong to stand nxt beside u... dude.. all i can say is im missing u loads... expectations of frens are good.. thy are the hopes that had been pushing mi... but its the everyday walking home, entering the front door that i dun reali cared.... im sick of all the emptiness....





there maybe a day...
i can stay out..
jux to watch the sunrise....
if there is this one person beside mi...
i wil wana lean back to back..
and face the sunrise tgt..
i reali hope...
to be with tis person...
hu reali cared....
and maybe for him...
i will change...
i noe im not hu i am now...
so for him i will....
if only that day will come...

Labels: enough is enough