The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace. - mother theresa.

Labels: mother theresa

tues was a happy day!!
went out with SATRIA!! after a long day of sch... sian la.. zzzz....

but that day was fun la huh?
we went lido to watch the INDIANA JONE.. damn funi.. lol.. hu said it wasnt reali nice?wat is laugh like hell!!! lol.. its damn cute la... lol.!!! then we went to far east go eat some muslim food.. wat is take so long to decide? lol.. talked crap at the farrer road mac till 11 plus... walk back home afta that.. it was kinda fun huh?:) gave him the blue rose and the candle with his name in it.. special sia.. lol.. thats the special gift for a special brother! lol... im glad he liked it sia! so happy!! it took mi like forever!! buy all the stuffs.. run kinda loads of trips.. zzz.. but wateva it is, it pays! lol.

ytd stayed in sch as usual, with rosemary in the lib.. saw rachel.. wat is study at courtyartd.. so weird.. lol.. came home... changed the blog skin of the blog.. is it nice? it tok mi loads of time u noe? thanks huili for hlping mi... lol...

but wat is.. im having a fever now.. zzz happie days always end so fast.. mirgraines hitting mi hard.. i dun wan history to repeat again sia!!! arhs.. wish mi luck!!!

tose hu nv tag my blog before, but had been reading my posts, cna u pls tag, so that at least i noe hu are reading? yup!! thx!!!

i rather to have loved and lost than never been in love before...

u noe dude...

u brighten up a sad peep day with a random msg....
i was half awake, to turn off that msg tone, i noe it was u hu sms'ed.. but i dint reali read it... think it was reali late thats y.. went to class.. was browsing my inbox.. thn remembered of the msg that u sent... i APPRECIATED IT A LOT!!! think u were having some bad times are u? wait for u to call mi anitime!! i reali wana have a good meal with u u noe!!!

busy weekend.. went to yeemin's party on sat... out the whole day.. saw nevin and the others..
life is boring.. but with these funny asses around, u reali wana like kick their asses.. thy are damn fun.. AMG!!! not omg.. but thy are reali OMG!!! wat is use VEET!!! lol.. cleaned yeemin off sia!!! lols!!!

i miss the days of jj... i miss the days of mi being myself....
i can feel things jux not the way it is...
anw, thy say the saying goes : the only constant ard is change itself...

i always felt that i had been up for greater use...
but i jux feel weird...
like a kid
looking for a perfect way of walking without falling down....
there is no such things as dreams?

im afraid.. but i have much further dreams ard.. i
dun wan to dissapoint myself more thn ani others..
i love the earth, care, appreciation from any tom, dick or harry...
its like i practically given up the way things are like erm, at this land of nowhere...
i wan to be out there to shine..

but is there aniway i can do?
without brushing off my roots?

Labels: life = living in fulfilment everyday

noe wat?



i think the best way to lead ur own life is to live like there's no tml, like there will be no sunrise. thats the time where u will understand that u shldnt let regrets lying around u.. and u noe wat ever u do, u arent going to regret any fucking system u have in that ugly u.. wateva it is, however ugly things are, u will feel that its beautiful.. things that may seemed perfect isnt that beautiful after all..



do not judge the books by their cover..

do not judge hu u are by ur own...

judge with the feelings that u have DEEP inside u..

see with uur heart!!



thats where love and care comes about..

Labels: life

like humans...
being humans...
most of the times, we can only control the way we think.. but sad to say, we are not advance enough to control the way we feel...

guilty, selfishness, selflessness, sad, happy, cheerful... are all how we feel.. and these can be expressed out thru our actions... we can control how we think.. that is how we think and not how we feel... if u can think and feel... thats being normal.. but dun ever control how u feel.. that will make u inhumane - - coldblooded...

i will treasure life more thn ani1 else here.. so if u do not nid my love, jux go away... cux.. i believe, if u are taking it for granted, u shld jux allow my love to be spent on those hu nids it more then u.. cux its the giving of my feelings tat is the medicine that keeps mi going.. i got no energy or willpower to fight back against tose hu will betray or tose hu dint put their heart inside.. to 1 that will stay loyal to frens, the last thing i nid is that u do exactly the opposite of wat i nid... i had enough falls... i dun wan to get ani deeper...

if u are reading this sincerely, pls understand that my love is running out. for those hu i loved.. no matter wat... i will be there for u... i will always remb wat doesnt kills makes u stronger...

Labels: loves

i think i reali had enough...

if u have a good impression of mi, dun read on..
if u hated mi, dun read on....

its for the kind-hearted hu reali cared... if not pls navigate away.. the last ting i nid is scarcasm..


im crying like any fucked up gal... shit... wat is this? wat is i wana scream but i cant... this is the 1st tym after i recovered from the last emo period... its shit.... y are things so unfair? wat is im a person of family as priority? y mux i be a big egoist!!!! i reali sick of myself being a clown.. wat is cux i noe ppl will take mi as some1 strong.. so no matter wat.. i try to console myself that there are ppl out there that may be even worst than mi.. but i guess.. all of us.. as humans we have our limits.. wat is im pinning on the hopes that others pin on mi so that i can feel that there is still hope n then i starts to move on? and everytime i did that, iwill realise that all these are jux lies that i lied to myself to make myself feel beta? viv, stop it la!! wat is lie to myself... u may think that viv is such a whiner, irritator, wateva negative u may think of.. but man.. if u put urself inside mi,.. i think u mite go crazy somehow with all those stupid stuff and fucked shit u have in my life.. if there is ani1 hu wich too hlp.. its either a test to how good ur endurance is in hlping mi, if not... get out.. all u noe is getting to noe the uglier side of mi and the things that u wun wana noe wat reali happen to mi.... im jux another idoit hu doesnt not have much future of wat she wana be herself.. this tym.. it may take jux awhile for mi to be aite.. i realise that i can recover much faster thn before.. but the wounds are getting deeper.. there is no way the wounds are gonna recover. this feeling jux sux.... maybe thats like erm, things are... the more u give in, pl take.. cux thats the balance.. there is this wish for the year.. to relax.. sit back.. shut myself.. shut myself up from all these hurtful things..thats whn i become v v selfish... i become full of myself.. i hate this new mi.. is there ani way i can be the viv i was? no!! shut up.. i cant go back! y? cux things were all so fulled of hope b4 i had all these unwanted feelings.. im feeling damn lonely, alone in this fucking world.. the feeling sux.... frens are wat i have now.. im loyal to thm.. and i noe thy are loyal to mi too... but i jux noe that things are reali getting out of hands.. out of my hands, out of their hands.. i dun wan to turn into their burden... i nided a hug as much as i noe thy nided my hug.. but i jux cunt bring myself to ask thm that i nid.. i noe that i appeared to be a cheeky one.. but hu ever noes y i always try to bring myself to be loud? thats to prevent others from seeing hu i reali am.. im tired... freaking tired... i dun wan to be ani clown no more.. im sick of showing others that im alrite whn i noe im not.. im sick of being alrite whn i not.. im sick of pretending to be the mi that u all had known before whn i noe im no longer that cheerful mi.. but for the sake of everyone i will move on... but like i said... ppl have their limits.. lets jux hope mi time isnt up yet... its getting worst.. i can feel it... hands, head.. i dun wan to get anything out of any doctors.. it will jux lighten.. not cure.. thn wat for rite? i always believed that im being destinied for greater things.. and before i had fulfilled tose big dreams nv am i gona give in to destiny.. i wun fight for any longer time. i will jux fight for hu i reali wana be... if there's one day, whereby its jux the end, i noe some1 will be there to take mi ard with him... it may jux be an empty promise by him or he reali meant it.. but that hope of mi being with him, doing all sort of meaningful things makes mi feel that however short life is.. i had a real soulmate, hu went thru thick and thin tgt... thx dude.. i duno if u r reading this... its jux i reali wana thnk u for all the effort u put into mi... u gave mi hope, like u said that i gave u urs too.. i reali wana be the rainbow after ur rain that had poured, but i duno how much longer can i be that strong to stand nxt beside u... dude.. all i can say is im missing u loads... expectations of frens are good.. thy are the hopes that had been pushing mi... but its the everyday walking home, entering the front door that i dun reali cared.... im sick of all the emptiness....





there maybe a day...
i can stay out..
jux to watch the sunrise....
if there is this one person beside mi...
i wil wana lean back to back..
and face the sunrise tgt..
i reali hope...
to be with tis person...
hu reali cared....
and maybe for him...
i will change...
i noe im not hu i am now...
so for him i will....
if only that day will come...

Labels: enough is enough

i had a great time gg back to find Cass.. only to find out i had to wait for her in sch for more thn the 30 mins that she promised mi... =( haha.. but its good to hear that Bikila won again.. heard it was a trashing 1 somemore.. way to go!! =) hahas...

we went to holland v, had a reali reali good lunch!!! at swensens!! =) did loads of catching up!! its like omg!!! tok and laugh.. i missed the feelings of her sia... whn is our nxt outing sia!! lol.

man.. i reali miss the days in jjc... i reali dun wan to go poly, as in its happy there, but i noe there are truly the things that i can only achieve in jc... but wats past is past... let bygones be bygones... dudes.. im reali confuse.. wat is kp lying that viv, everything is over, relax... i dun hate thm. but wat is i mux be selfless for thm.. its jux too selfish of thm la... i've learnt to be smart.. its my time to be selfish.. so wat if family had always been my priority? but i dun reali care liao.. all is bullshit.. finali my 2nd sis understands how i reali feel.... wateva it is, wats done can not be undone.. thy made mi an unfeeling creature... frens is all i nid now.... i reali dun care liao.. how others see mi as.. how thy tok about mi behind my back.. how they demoralised mi.. everything is over viv.. its gonna be over soon... my dreams are still out there for mi to catch... going overseas... giving back... in wateva ways, i will be alone... so viv, wateva it is... stay alone... frens will be enough... true frens will protect mi, if not hlping mi to pave my ways by giving mi encouragements..

thanks Cass, Darren, Hui Li for all the time that u all had spent on mi even on the hectic shedule of the sch... i wun be stable without the unstables.. i wun say that im stable now.. but i am much beta i believe that. as in i belived im much beta.. much much beta.. im loved thx to u all... LOVE U ALL!!!! HUGS!!!! =)

emoing is jux another part of life.. there is no way u can be that high forever.... there are always ups and downs... i can have a family that..... but i have frens that reali care.. to mi, thats reali enough... to mushroom, thanks too! =) i maybe high in sch.. thats to cover things that i wun wan to share... but thats being mi... =/ too bad sia... haha....

we have all the human rights, to cry to smile in front of the frens we love...
if i ever cry in front of u..
its becux i had trusted u .. =)

Labels: love to all those hu loved

tired..
had loads of fun in Engineering materials today.. wat is cock so much la..
badron seemed to be the one leading us in laming.. kun yuan oso.. haha

went to babysit my cousin.. i think i dun have the smell of mother.. wat is i carry him thn he cried.. called my dad no as emergency line.. he came to my rescue.. phew

im starting to believe in the way i feel.. the feelings of the hearts, not the path of how the mind thinks.. dudes... its beta to follow how ur instincts tells u to do... dun think too much.. put away that cocky brain u have... get out of the society values that ppl bombarded and propaganda with... jux go with ur heart... regrets comes from ur heart.. not ur brain... cux it hurts ur heart whn regrets are form... but thy dint reali create any headache as far as i noe.. =) random here.. but i believe we are so used to think how we feel and not to feel how we think....

random picts:








whn peep say thy lovve u, thy meant it...
its the trust within peeps that u guys become frens..
so best is, show thm that u care as much as thy care for u...
the others can jux fuck off..

Labels: dudessss

noe wat?
i still think that being with frens around u is still the best choice ard.. as in, having a relationship is an add on, but the main thing is still having good frens ard!!
ZOE!!! im here for u!!! =)

somehow..
ya.. thats wat i wana say!!!

love may be in the air for the others, but i feel its perfectly fine to take a break and stay singles, till ur mr right not mr nice comes along!! =)

Labels: dudette?

wore the green slippers to sch! nice? irritated jas, junxian and zoe with it.. haha.. its nice sia..

stayed in sch to have a nice dinner with zoe, rachel and rosemary at the restaurant in sch..
stayed till ard 8 lidat... wat is rachel say its a cheapo slippers!!! smack u arhs rachel..!!

thn on the way to the bus stop, sat smsed mi... and i met him on the bus, 147! lol.
coincidental sia!! lol. nice?

was with rosemary thn she went up while sat was downstairs.. so, i went up to find rosemary, thn she say she wana listen to mp3.. thn i like an idoit, go back down to find my bro.. lol.. in the end, we ended up in starbucks at holland v.. =) i wanted to blancha him, in the end, he was faster than me to bill the bill... arhs!!!! sian la.. always let him treat!
tok like till 10 plus thn go home.. like to chat with him sia.. =) haha.. time jux pass damn fast... haix...

now i dun think i got any energy to chiong my cem... but i will definitely do the cprog and clear all the homework tml!!!

elliot, i think i will have to hlp in the cip project.. im breathing in the air of motivation to start planning!! its burning!! woots!!!

if u think u can..
u can
if u think u cant...
half the battle is lost..
so jux get over it,
find some stupid motivation
n move on...
i may not be that good for u to compare how good ur situation is like..
but i believe im settin an example..
for many to follow, to remind them not to be in my situations...
be thankful for tose hu had fought along with u..
u will noe..
like how tose that i cared had fought tgt
in the warzone of darkness..
yet,
we shone on ourselves,
the armour of infinity strength,
we spread the heart of worthiness...

nothing can ever win these tough ships,
love will lead the way...
true concern will cancel all evils... jux trust and believe hu u are...

Labels: wat a coincidental

my new slippers!



u nv noe if there's ani1 there for u if u nv even try!!

Labels: i thank

i

Labels: randomness

hmm..
things gets better
things gets worst...

whenever there is some1 precious that is leaving thn do 1 realise the importance of attachments one has on him on her reliance....

dude...
i believe,
i will miss u alot...
thx for all these guidance that u gave mi. thx

Labels: im jux worried things mite turn ...

muahaha
i went on the blood donation drive on wed!!! so so fun!!!

my 1st donation since last year im almost on 24/7 medication that prevented mi from donating my blood.. nice one viv!! haha

im proud to be a blood donar!! and a brave one.. haha.. dint faint!! smiles!!!

kinda loads of things happen at home... not my family.. my uncle side.. im abit lost of wat to do, how i can hlp... jux feel so useless... its like wat reali happen, how can i hlp and how much i can help.. things are getting worst.. and the worst thing is i jux duno wat to do to hlp.... rush to gran house afta sch ytd afta studying.. things jux get werider and weirder... is it i reali sad?

tok to huili on the fon while on the way back to gran's house with my uncle fam tgt with sis... i believe in u my dear...

i think, most of the time, we wanted to do lots of things to save our friendships, relationships, kinships and everything... nth much can save anything... if we cant change ourselves, we change the world... change the prospective of wat u feel about the world, to suit u beta... wat e fuck..
wat is selfless whn everyone is selfish.. if there's no win win, got for win lose.. not u being the one giving out, but the 1 winning in gaining a higher ground... human are called human to be slfish in some ways... put that value into good use.... start protecting urself... im jux tired, turning on the deaf ears hlps alot.. thats filtering in loads of ways...

i jux duno wats the monster inside thats evolving in everybody i can c... ask : are u a pretender, or are u one that reali being hu u are? life is never that simple, so are u, a complex creature... so, jux get out of that juvenile thinking, be hu u are, dun pretend... if u hurt others, to hlp them learn wich may seemed cruel then jux be cruel... its like whn things gets tough, u have to go tougher...






zul's and mine =)
give blood!!! =)
mi and mr brother at pizza hut that outing =)

Labels: i still love u as much as i love anione else

Labels: i thank