ii duno if today's chat is of ani hlp to u not... but i hoped it did la!!! cux, u felt real beta didnt u ? haha.. i think, its jux the norms for us huh? cux its like we usuali will happen to be like that often, whn we focus so much on the frens ard us that we often forget how we are feeling on the inside...

ya.. its true that we usually left all our energy out cux its like we focused only on the therapy on the others... hoping in return we can gain wat we had given out.. but most of the time, we forgot that we are jux normal ppl... normal ppl on earth i think so bahs.. wateva that may happen, reali wateva... jux remb, there is still frens like mi, will be there for u.. even thou the interactions between us are getting lesser and lesser, but i believed, that so long as there is one person there at the end point waiting, the road will never seemed that bored, that tired, that meaningless le huh? thats life, with frens that will stand by u, no matter wat may happen, all the things that we noe, we felt.. it interlinks..

i think thats y we are social creatures rite? lol! haha... ya! so wateva happens, jux chill... life is jux sad now.. but like wat u always say... if we see things the way u usualli see.. jux dun let ur emotions led ur way!! ok? i will always be there supporting u ya? jiayou!!!!

all the best!!! u can de!!! life jux sux now.. not forever.. u used to say that rite? =)

Labels: meaninglessly meaningful

wooo hoooo!!!! SAFWAN TURNS !17 today!!! happy birthday!!! hehe =]

if ever there's perhaps one day, whereby u can do nothing about ur life,

what will u do?
what do u do?

Give in? give up? hold on? hold back? wat happens whn everyone betrays, nobody by ur side... u are damn alone... in the city subway... walking across the interlink of the mrt station at outram, trying to travell, but u get knocks n knocks from people, and they give u an irritated look... will u still feel strong to say, im still the 1 i am or wuld u rather be like an ostrich? hide somewhere where no1 will noe where u are cux u are jux not opening ur eyes to take a look at wats happening to u? wats gona happen next?

haha... wats wrong with human man? i reali dun freaking understand... at one moment, thy jux tok to u as if they are curious for hu u r? or are thy jux feeling bored? as in thy ask for the sake of passing time?

hu cares? lol. im gona go out on wed..!!! haha.. love is so gona sux now... i wun indulge it animore till i feel im ready in the inside haha!!!

Labels: life jux seemed dead

Hi all, i think i only got the courage to say everything here.... even if u guys wun be able to c this, but i jus wana release every regrets that i have.. no more regrets please

Darling huili, i noe its been unfair to u... u had been there whnever i nid u... from o2 last year... even earlier, our 1st three months.. thats whn we 1st met rite? 07s24? this tym round, i should be the 1 guiding you thru... im sorry that i cant be of much hlp.. the courage, energy doesnt seemed to be there whereby i had before that guided others along... u dun have to bother about me, focus on your studies always, priortise.. i may not be there, but jux believe in me can ?
there are a load of barriers and boundaries.. im jux trying my best to sneak out..but each tym i does that, im jux getting caught and the cuffs jux get tighter... trust me k? dun forget mi k? i noe its selfish of mi, but pls...

devil Darren, focus seemed far for mi, but i believe uu have it with u often. confidence takes u high up. dint have much to say to u.. strong guy of self esteem, encouragements... i had always learnt from u.. trying to be the 1 that can listen to u all nite... u gave me hope that i cant see..
you gave me the courage that i cunt reach. d, i cant cope any longer... with the dreams that i had... the love i had im gona put it one side... pardon me for doing that partner ship may not appear animore.. i reali nid to take a break.. a real, sensational 1 whereby im reali letting myself hit the bottom this tym.. i can take it no more.. i may seemed ok.. but in the presence of having to act as if nothing is wrong, its gona be reali tough.... im jux too drained.. the rain kp blocking out the sun with the dark clouds.. rainbow dun seemed to be able to appear from the reflecting rays... i think its the rainy monsoon season.. its gonna take a long tym to recover the energy... forgive mi k?

Cass, studies, mangement of time, priortise hlps remb ok... u jux dun seemed to run out of energy.. can u like pass on any to mi? lol. noe had been a worry of urs.. dun have to le.. haha. u jux do mi a favour, concentrate on ur studies. thats good enough ya? sorry, reali sorry that tym i didnt have the real courage to stay on.. it seemed like its a cycle, whenever i thought that i had climbed out of the shit i had.. i got deeper every time others shit surfaces... im dissapointed, i think u too rite? muxx be feeling that: vivian wake up, future. cant.. its not pessimistic, but i jux dun wan to hope on... it seemed useless... its jux that its not darkness animore that im facing..
this tym round, its the bottomless pit.. im jux falling and failing... bouncing out of it takes a lot of tym and energy... so jux fall, hit the gound.. stay there would be a beta choice rite? dun u agree?



Rosemary, thanks loads for hlping mi along whenever i nided some1 to relax the stupid stress la.. lol. haha things seemed easier with u, rachel, yantong and zoe ard... much easier... sec 4 days were tough, but thy were fun in many ways.. thanks for allowing me to get back to tose days whereby laughters were... things were so much lighter, more innocent, more pure... paiseh, these recent months, i wasnt reali the co operative type animore... more of selfish instead of selfless.. more unsocialable, irresponsible, emo, autistic rite? reali very sorry... dint wanted to be lidat.. paiseh man... 4f things i reali dun wana touch... like gess things, i dun feel like too... its like whn u are dissapointed, u dun wan to be dissapointed ani further rite? ya.. so dun say anithing more la.. if u all wan, u all go plan, i can hlp, but i reali dun wan to be the main liao... ya.. u all will understand de rite? lol. i can train u all... haha.. but dun ask mi plan k? haha

Safwan, duno y , but toking to u definitely hlps, ALOT! thanks.. lol. paiseh, had been kinda a trouble than hlp lately... thanks for enduring all tose stupid scolding. lol. u mux hav been used to it rite? not on purpose la... yup.... things jux haha... like u la.. cycle between siblings, whn ur turn for shit, i hlp, whn its my turn in shit, u are charged with energy to hlp.. thank fate for noeing u.. thanks.. reali glad that i still can rely on u la. lol. V v Glad that i can still do that.. lol. thanks for making this happen... been long whereby we reali chat, but kinda whnever i nida something or some1 to vent the anger, u jux happen to be there la huh? perfect younger sibling, i always unable to get a brother, kinda like erm, a unfufilled dream. thanks haha. Paiseh, whnever u nided mi..its either i too tired or too slply... but i will still be v glad to stand up for u k!!! brothers huh? rite? =) thats it man! haha

Bing Chia, advice, guidance, encouragements, scoldings, u seemed to b like a brother that i always wanted.. elder brother i meant i duno if this is a compliment or wat, but to mi, bottom of my heart, thanks.. dint noe u were so good.. oops. lol. from getting into jj, to quitting, to being alone out there in the bottomless pit, to joining poly, thanks worx... more of a torture thn pleasure in hlping mi rite? lol. usually whnever u hlp others ppl will more or less listen, but somehow, i had always been doing the opp of wat u wanted or suggested mi? paiseh! Apologies! hmm, there wasnt much ppl who wuld understand nor wuld volunteer to provide ani hlp for some1 as stubborn like mi . APPRECIATED!!!!

i loved these ppl, and any hu read this post.... things jux gets out of hands, and i dun wan to regret not saying all these cux i either did not have the courage in doing so, if not i dint have the time or energy in carrying these out.. for this... i jux wana say,

i had loved,
i still love,
im loving the people that had ever loved or care or was concern about me.

for all these while, other then dissapoinment, all i had for u all are unwanted hopes, a worthless vivian.... thanks for enduring all these shit whn i culdnt hlp at detaining them inside mi.. thanks aloads.

hmm.. its been long since the last post.... guilty about it....

okay, had a lot of outings.... went back to jj for both orientation 1 and 2.... tings seemed fine... i'm now in SP, aeronautical engineering... trying my hard in vying for the scholarship.... can i make it or can i not?
tml is the enrolment.. stupid thing.. went with rosemary today.. such a lame thing... lol... tired man.. studies.. hmmm.... shld i go for engineering maths or business for my diploma plus cert? think i shld go for engineering maths huh?

hmm... away from studies... Zoe and i are now working at Subway.. Anchorpoint... lol. tis hols, the old clinque seemed to be much of an active group huh? me, rose, yyyiiii hweeeee, yantong and zoe.. ever since the reunion dinner huh? thn it was the valentines outing, then east coast.. lol. fun man!!! lol.

Subway... new place, new experience.. HAHAA!!!! it was cool man! real cool! lol.
noe of quite nice chaps over there... fun place rite zoe? kinda lucky im working there.. somehow, its the only place whereby i can relief the stress that kinds of overflooded my brain cells..

was toking to k that nite... sorted out alots of stuffs... my stuffs at home. felt beta... i believed he oso. was in the middle of the field... thanks bro.. it hlped mi loads! he tok about his, i tok about mine... nice exchange huh? o 1 i kinda wanted v much to give up the things i had in jj.. o2, i was determined even more... the reason y i liked to go back? i think i more or less jux felt that i was more appreciated thn anything else in jj.... frens like unstables, leaders that i once worked with, joshua, ivan, amg... thanks guys... without u... i dun think i can actually go that far... thn i realised that all that pushed me to go back its because i was escaping... its an escape from the reality that i had.. more or less.... security, friends, love, care, concern, passion... most importantly, understanding... thanks... but i noe, that 1 hace to leave tis comfort zone, this lovely scenery and venture to somewhere new..

Vivian is dead man... she is... if u are thinking otherwise.. pls... understand her k? she is dead....

Labels: life jux seemed dead